Santa Cruz Reflections...
Original post here.
It's all over and I've had some time to reflect on my performance and the experience. There are many facets to the "comp. experience". Of course there's the flying itself, which is maybe the most important aspect of why I compete. But almost equally important is the trappings that come with the flying. The laughs shared with friends from around the globe. The travel. The exposure to new places and people. The overall experience.
Our trip down was filled with anticipation. We drove through the desert across the Glen Canyon Dam and down into the Grand Canyon Plateau as Jeff and I chatted about flying. How would we do? What were our goals? What tuning and flying tips would we focus on? It was great to have Amber and the dog along for the ride. They added to the festive feeling. We left the desert behind, and climbed into the mountains of northern Arizona as the sun set with music and beer to set our mood. Once past Phoenix, we picked up Kara from the airport and our comp nucleus was complete.
Arriving at the resort was a pleasure. It's time to hug friends from different countries and greet long lost friends with a smile. The anticipation reached a peak as we readied our gear for the first day. It's human nature to compete, and I'd wanted to personally do well for myself. When you're flying XC solo there are few objective benchmarks that you can use to assess your performance. Comps give you pilots to measure yourself against, and the opportunity to see who's flying better and try to improve to their level. Before the comp started, I thought a top ten finish would reflect personal success in my mind.
The anticipation of Day 1 soon turned to disappointment. I'd finished 49th for the day. My initial excitement was replaced with self doubt. What had I done wrong? Why had I "failed" to live up to my personal expectation? I was glad for the two hours to sit alone in my deserted desert LZ and contemplate my disappointment. I used the time to try and turn my melancholy mood around, unsuccessfully. The more I compete though, the more I realize that there will be severe disappointment from time to time. I'm doing a bit of a better job of not letting a poor daily performance carry on too long after my feet touch the ground, but I still dwell on the negative a bit too much.
The self-doubt in my flying turned around during the rest of the week of competition. My daily placings continued to improve: 10th, 7th, 7th, 3rd, and a win on the final day to cap off the comp. What had changed? I'd slowly gained confidence back during the week, but my flying hadn't changed. Everytime my feet leave the ground, I'm always out to just try my best. The resort and the company did so much to lift my mood beyond the flying. Having a hot tub to soak in and a cold beer or margarita after a hot dusty day of flying is nirvana. Capping off the evening over dinner with our wives and pilot friends was the icing on the cake.
The dynamic after the awards ceremony is always a bit strange. We are individuals from all over the world who converge in out of the way places to live very intensely for a week. We fly aggressively, party festively, and as a result, build strong bonds with some. Suddenly our time together is over and we sporadically depart back to our separate corners of the globe. Sometimes it's good to give a hug and wish a friend well, sometimes it's easier to slip away and leave without a word. Sometimes I wonder if and when I'll see someone in particular again.
Happiness is: Sharing an awards dinner with nine friends from Six countries. (Photo by Scott Gravelle)
Our wives had to leave a day early via plane to get home and attend to their lives. It left Jeff and I (along with the dog) to make the 11 hour drive back solo. On Sunday morning, when we pulled out of the resort and back into the desert, it had felt as though we'd just arrived. It seemed like a moment ago we were driving through the desert talking about how stoked we were for the future. Now we were rolling down the highway talking about how great the past week had been. There was a stretch of country just beyond Lake Powell where we sat for a long time in contemplative silence enjoying the afternoon sun on the red rock mesas. For me, it was idyllic rolling through the stunning scenery, with music to set our mood, and our memories of the past week for entertainment.
I'm ultimately thankful to have found an activity that gives me so much joy and personal fulfillment. I'm thankful that competitions have exposed me to outstanding individuals from far away places that I now call friends. I'm thankful to share such intensely enjoyable experiences with them. I'm thankful to have the health and disposition to participate in these events. I'm thankful to have a supportive network of individuals: My wife, family, friends, the Wills Wing partners, and KAVU crew, who encourage me and make following my dreams possible.
